i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
