I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
