woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
