I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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