Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
