I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
