Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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