I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
