you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
