oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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