Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
