Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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