theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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