Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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