This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
