he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
