Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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