Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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