Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
