All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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