Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
