i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
not ubering you a puppy
I have already put on my inside pants.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
