Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
