yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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