its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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