i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
