haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
