yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
