Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
