hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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