I like my sex mixed with concussions.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
