Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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