2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
