oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
