my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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