i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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