I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
