the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
