i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
