Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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