4 words: hood of his car
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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