She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
