I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
