I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
