I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
