You're completely useless in the revolution.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
