i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
did i just pee glitter
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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