i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
He kissed a someone with a penis
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
