Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
