OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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