I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
