I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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