Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
