trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm sobbing to NWA
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
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