Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
