Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
